I used to model, paint, drawing, write poetry and short stories. Now I feel like keeping this blog up is too much. I feel like I'm just joining link up to have something to put on my blog. I feel like I'm wasting myself away.
I don't wanna get up in the morning. I just wanna lay in bed all day and sleep off and on and read.
I don't wanna cook and cleaning and keep the house up.
But hell who really ever wants to do that? And if you say you do then fuck you too then.
I don't wanna go to work and stand behind a counter all day and waste away my life.
I wanna get back into modeling, but a lot stops me form doing that. Like lack of money and a way to get to shots. And also a lack of time. I gotta got to go to work.
Family and money comes 1st. If a hobby doesn't pay I can't see myself doing it and wasting my time.
Painting just doesn't seem to be my thing anymore. Nothing ever comes out the way it does in my head.
When I wrote poetry I was in a dark place. My best poems are really dark. I don't have everything to be depressed over really anymore. My happy shit sucks.
But I have tried to pick back up on my drawing. I'm not the best and I don't try to be.
I draw whatever I feel like. Mostly small stuff, nothing big.
I feel like I'm wasting away.
I need a better job.
Maybe if we didn't have the money problems we do I would feel less stressed. Maybe if I worked for a better company I would be happier going to work.
But until then I draw.