Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Feeling like a Waste.

I used to be such a creative person. Now I feel like I'm just drained.
I used to model, paint, drawing, write poetry and short stories. Now I feel like keeping this blog up is too much. I feel like I'm just joining link up to have something to put on my blog. I feel like I'm wasting myself away.
I don't wanna get up in the morning. I just wanna lay in bed all day and sleep off and on and read.
I don't wanna cook and cleaning and keep the house up.
But hell who really ever wants to do that? And if you say you do then fuck you too then.
I don't wanna go to work and stand behind a counter all day and waste away my life.

I wanna get back into modeling, but a lot stops me form doing that. Like lack of money and a way to get to shots. And also a lack of time. I gotta got to go to work.
Family and money comes 1st. If a hobby doesn't pay I can't see myself doing it and wasting my time.

Painting just doesn't seem to be my thing anymore. Nothing ever comes out the way it does in my head.
When I wrote poetry I was in a dark place. My best poems are really dark. I don't have everything to be depressed over really anymore. My happy shit sucks.

But I have tried to pick back up on my drawing. I'm not the best and I don't try to be.
I draw whatever I feel like. Mostly small stuff, nothing big.
I feel like I'm wasting away.
I need a better job.
Maybe if we didn't have the money problems we do I would feel less stressed. Maybe if I worked for a better company I would be happier going to work.
One day.

But until then I draw.


Christine Thomas said...

Hugs girl. I'm sorry you are feeling so down right now. I think we all have times we go through stuff like this. Hang in there!

Kristi said...

I'm sorry to hear this. Money issues can suck the life right out of you. Believe me, we are right there with you.

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